Pssh, It Happens.

I have had Sugarland's "It Happens" stuck in my head ALL HAM DAY.

No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to overthink it
Let go, laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
The irrefutable, indisputable fact is
It happens"

It happens. Life happens. No thing ever really goes like I plan. We live and love and mess up and hopefully learn from our mistakes and then grow from our learning.

Unfortunately, I think sometimes we have to be the hard part of someone else's life lesson. LIke today when I more or less "dumped" MAG... I told him we needed to talk. He asked me about what. I asked him if he had any ideas about what we might need to discuss. He hit the nail on the head. He know i twas coming ever since about a week and a half ago when he made me cry. I was straight with him, and told him I need someone who holds the priesthood, someone who is equally matched to me. I said that I have things I need to work out on my own and that he can't really help me. I told him that now is not the time for me to be dating him at all. He took it well, like a big boy. He asked if there was hope for the future when he has his priesthood back, and I just told him not to wait for me. He asked if he could kiss me one more time and I said no. He still wants to be friends, but I don't think I'll work too hard to find time to hang out with him. I asked him not to hang on to the thought of something and to just move on. I also asked him to quit trying to hard and to just back off. He agreed to. I promised him that I would correct him if he overstepped bounds. He made me feel bad when he went on about still being in love with me and feeling like that wouldn't change any time soon, but I'm getting over that. I"m trying not to give into the guilt that is tempting me. He went on about how wonderful I am... made me feel like a jerk a little. I know he fell for me. He says he's in love with me. I feel bad that he thinks I'm so wonderful and I went and more or less dumped him.... But I think MAG and I both learned plenty. I know better than to spend my time on someone who isn't good for me. I should have learned that well enough after AJB, but hey, no one ever accused me of being a genius.) I think on some level I had to hurt him. I never set out to hurt anyone, it just... happened. MAG and I would not work. In a way we balance each other, but at the same he undoes my sanity... Not in the fun way either.... I hope tho, that he has learned that he needs to stand on his own before anyone can stand beside him.

It happens. But we learn from it. We try... I try so hard to understand why things are the way they are. But when I just sit back and trust that the answers I have received from the Lord are correct life is a little easier. I do need to have faith that things happen for a reason!

So, that little chapter is over. I think MAG was a reminder that I need to just be patient. Yes, life is NOT going how I planned. If you's asked me 3 years ago where I'd be when I was 21 I would likely have said " Almost done with pre-med, maybe engaged or married". Now I'm starting over as a Music Education major, I"m nowhere near married... I've had at least one monumental failure of a relationship. Ok that's a lie. AJB wasn't a monumental failure. I wouldn't change much about that nearly 5 years. I am who I am largely because of him. It just didn't turn out like I thought it would. I just need to be patient and I need to sit still long enough to listen once in a while. There's a plan for me. There's someone out there for me. Someone who is good for me, who will be good to me, and who is worthy. It hasn't happened yet, but it will happen. Then I can say "it happens" with a smile :)

"let go laughing"... I think I will :)